Sherlock Holmes is a dick.

[museofspeed]

So I've started listening to Sherlock Holmes audio books as I walk. Now, I got my audio book from Librivox, so now I think everyone there sounds like a woman from the South. It's very confusing.

So my impressions so far.

Sherlock Holmes is a dick. And Watson is his bitch.

Seriously, in the first chapter he basically told Watson that he was stupid, and by the second or third, he'd told him that he had no friends. He also thinly disguises these compliments as insults by telling Watson, for instance, that he enjoys listening to his theories because they are so dead wrong that he can immediately knock any conclusions he draws out of the realm of possibility! Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but still! He's a dick. Oh, and in the last chapter I read? He just whored Watson out to some people who showed up! He was like, "Well, I'm too busy to go with you, but Watson'll go!" And Watson was surprised by this. Geeze, Watson, grow a pair. And leave Holmes because he is not a nice guy.

I will admit that I love the descriptions Doyle uses. He's amazing at painting with words. Far better than I am. Damn, I wish I could describe people like that.

Also, I keep hoping Holmes is wrong in any conclusion he draws because he's so damn smug!

Also, my Sherlock Holmes impression:

The part of Watson shall be played tonight by felonazcorp.

felonazcorp:Haha, how does Batman showering have anything to do with Sherlock whoring out Watson?
shananagin: Elementary, my dear Feebus.
shananagin: Sherlock Holmes is a detective, and a clean one at that.
shananagin: Therefore he bathes regularly.
felonazcorp: XD
shananagin: Batman, is also a detective, and a good one at that.
felonazcorp: And he showers!
shananagin: So what could be more appropriate?
felonazcorp: Ah, I see!
shananagin: Indeed!
shananagin: Now, go fetch my pipe and give me a foot massage while I discuss how much smarter than you I am.

On that note, I would love to read bad Holmes/Watson fic.

"Watson, I have deduced that you are attracted to me."

"But, that's amazing! How ever did you figure that out?"

"Elementary. You get hard every time I make a deduction."

Comments

[ex-felonazc.livejournal.com]

EPIC!

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

There's an omnibus out there of Sherlock Holmes stories rewritten with gay sex. I have held it in my hands! But I didn't have enough money to get it at the time, and I haven't seen it since, not even in that same book/sextoy shop. :(

[bastet-in-april.livejournal.com]

Have you read 'The Dying Detective' yet? Holmes is particularly a dick in that story, in my opinion.

[aravistarkheena.livejournal.com]

One of my favorite things about Sherlock is that he's kind of a dick. He's smart and he knows he's smart.

He also loves screwing with Watson.

I'm assuming you're reading Baskervilles and trust me, the dickery gets even worse and Watson gets even more emo.

The thing is, even though Holmes is kind of a dick and Watson is a big push over who occasionally resents him, they still love each other dearly. When one of them is injured or ill the other is completely devoted to him and worried to death.

You should read the Memoirs, it shows how deep their friendship is far better than Baskervilles.

[cold-nostalgia.livejournal.com]

I haven't read any of the Sherlock Holmes in years so I don't really remember him being that much of a dick. I do remember his little coke problem though.

I'll really have to read them again at some stage.

[cissie-king.livejournal.com]

I haven't read much Holmes, sadly. But if you like detective stories, give G.K. Chesterton a try. Chesterton's detectives are far nicer. The only problem with Chesterton is that he was a crazy old racist and he would start ranting against black people or the Jews at the drop of a hat. But give 'The Man who was Thursday' a try. As far as I remember it had no racism in it.

About Holmes' obvious closeted homosexuality, there is a good piece about that in one of the annotations for League of the Extraordinary Gentlemen. I'll see if I can find it later.

[everysecondtues.livejournal.com]

"Watson, I have deduced that you are attracted to me."

"But, that's amazing! How ever did you figure that out?"

"Elementary. You get hard every time I make a deduction."
Ahahaha. Sadly, I only know good fic for it, though I'm sure you can find it of all types on delicious.

[second-batgirl.livejournal.com]

Um, if you're listening to Librivox, my roommate has recorded twice as many sections as anyone else on that site (Sibella Denton) and as she IS a woman from the south, it is entirely possible that this is the reason for you assuming that. ;)

Also, Holmes/Watson for the win.

[relena-wolf.livejournal.com]

I adore Holmes. House is a lot like Holmes. They're smart and abrasive, but they also end up being right 99.9% of the time.

I also adore the crazy extremes Holmes is willing to go to in order to solve something. In one of the short stories he pretends to be homeless and blind, having made fake cataracts for himself. He's a resourceful old bugger.